Are you tired of living with the nagging feeling that your life's just a bit... crumpled? Do you find yourself constantly beset on all sides by the crushing weight of existence? Well, you're in luck! Ink Splatter % Insurance has got you covered.
We specialize in providing coverage for all manner of crumpled lives, from the merely inconvenient to the utterly catastrophic. Our team of expert claims adjusters will work with you to ensure that you're fully insured against life's many splatters.
But don't just take our word for it! Check out our Insurance Claims Adjuster Horror Story page to see why our competitors are just a bunch of amateurish ink-stained amateurs.
And, as an added bonus, our policyholders receive a free Ink Splatter % Perks Card, complete with a year's supply of free ink refills and an 8x10 glossy photo of their very own splattered self!
Terms and Conditions: We're not really an insurance company. Don't try to collect.
Disclaimer: Our coverage is only available in the continental United States and Canada. Unless you're a Canadian. In that case, sorry, buddy.
Side Effects: May cause dizziness, confusion, and spontaneous combustion. If you're already prone to these conditions, don't bother applying. Seriously, don't.
Not responsible for damage to your dignity or self-respect. You're on your own with that.
Ask your doctor if you're unsure. No, seriously, don't. They'll just tell you to stop messing with ink.
Ink Splatter % Insurance is a registered trademark of the Ink Splatter % Insurance Company, Inc. A Delaware corporation. Or so we claim.
All Rights Reserved. Or not. We're not really sure what that means.